she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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