i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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