just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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