I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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