i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
