Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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