Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
