So drunk its hurt
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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