When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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