Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
