Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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