3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
