He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
