Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Your penis caused this!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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