Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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