The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
