Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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