At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
