I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
