...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
