dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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