3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize