Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
