Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pooping to opera.
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