I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
