Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
