incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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