Please, let me fuck your mom
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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