the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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