my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
