so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
