dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
