it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
