your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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