I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
