These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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