My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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