I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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