At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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