I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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