OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
