Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
