The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
