I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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