I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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