it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
