There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
