I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
