I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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