it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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