Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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