I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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