We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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