my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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