I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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