I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
