you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
