where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
