she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
