Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
